


crying and eating, eating and crying

by yellowsenpai



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Another vent fic, Bulimia, Crying, Eating Disorders, Gen, Sad Sugawara Koushi, binge eating, but whos surprised
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-24
Updated: 2020-10-24
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:02:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 366
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27172169
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yellowsenpai/pseuds/yellowsenpai
Summary: Suga can't become any better if he keeps fucking up, yet here he is again.
Relationships: Michimiya Yui/Sawamura Daichi (mentioned)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 33





	crying and eating, eating and crying

Suga ate.

Not like one has a meal, or a snack.

He ate fucking  _ everything he could get his fat hands on. _

And he hated himself for it.

He stuffed his fat face with chips, apples, you name it. He shook while he did it, per usual. He's so fucking disgusting, he can't exercise enough to burn this off, he can't do anything, why does he have to do this? Why does it have to be him?

In some twisted part in the back of his head, he wishes it was Michimiya doing this instead. Not that he'd ever admit it to himself.

He wished and thought and thought and wished, clinging to the possibilities that would never come true.

Because if he was skinner he wouldn't have to worry about gaining too much weight.

If he was smaller, he wouldn't have to worry about Daichi leaving him for Michimiya.

If he was prettier, Daichi wouldn't look at Michimiya like he should be at Suga; stars in his eyes and that stupid little smile.

If he played better, he wouldn't be substituted for a  _ first year. _

If he was better-

He let his train of thoughts run wild as he made his way to the bath.

Turning on the shower and opening up the toilet seat, he took off his clothes and stared at the mirror. 

_ What the fuck was wrong with him? _

_ Why can't he just be a normal person? _

_ Why can't he be more like Kageyama? _

_ Or Michimiya? _

_ Maybe if he worked more. _

_ If he tried harder. _

If only.

Suga turned away from the mirror, barely needing any help vomiting his stomach contents, already finding the strength in his mirror image. Unsurprisingly.

He wasn't crying this time around, it was ugly and how would he ever be his own thinspiration if he messed up his face even more? Even if he did, at least he would lose some extra weight.

Staring down at what was just in his stomach, his eyes welled up and he chose not to acknowledge the natural salt water dripping into the bowl as he flushed it.

Some things were worth less than others- he learnt that the hard way.

**Author's Note:**

> not me venting through fictional characters for the 5th time this month🙈
> 
> get ready for an angst dump👩💻
> 
> please consider talking to a therapist if you have eating disorder tendencies (EDNOS) or the hotline zoned for you.
> 
> stay safe <3


End file.
